NARRATOR & PRESENTER Claudio Consuegra
CONSULTANTS Aritina Barbulescu, Elida Oncea
PRODUCER Hope Discovery
ILLUSTRATOR Serban Gabriel
ANIMATION Augustin Cosmin Pop / POPIXAR STUDIO
CAMERA Daniel Scripcariu
EDITING Liviu Dumitras
MUSIC Mihai Pitan, David Bateman
SOUND DESIGN Valentin Bogdan, Laurentiu Bugan
SPECIAL THANKS Andreea Paun, Irina Anghel, Florin Ghetu, Aritina Barbulescu, Cristian Magura, Cristina Cuncea, Mihai Bolonyi, Costin Banica, Petrica Cristescu, AnaMaria Lupu, Dorin Aiteanu
SCREENWRITER Aritina Barbulescu
DIRECTOR Attila Peli
COPYRIGHT SPERANTA TV 2018
My feeling of helplessness and despair is probably familiar to you when your child becomes defiant. What should you do? I’d like to share some principles that have helped me. I hope they will help you, too:
- First of all, you need to correctly identify the situation: your child’s behavior can be considered defiant if from the start he/she refuses to agree or follow the simplest of request from you, or when they become easily frustrated or annoyed in their relationship with friends, or with their family. In addition, he/she becomes disrespectful toward adults and develops a pattern of blaming others for his/her mistakes.
- Once you’ve correctly identified the problem, then you need to try to understand what’s actually happening in your child’s mind when he/she chooses to challenge you. In this situation, he/she is very likely to react emotionally because he’s caught in the trap of making wrong decisions.
In our illustration, when the child did not want to go to school, he mistakenly labeled it an “injustice.” He has developed the perception of you as the powerful person who makes you do things he doesn’t want to do, particularly because he does not enjoy doing them. The thought that he is forced to do what he does not like, produces a negative emotion and, once his incorrect reasoning takes over, the child feels that they don’t have to comply with what they’re being asked, or told, to do.
In such situations, stay calm. Explain to him or her what you’re asking of them and why, and what will be the consequences of their choice to not follow the rules. Be consistent and apply the consequences without hesitation, otherwise, indirectly, you will teach him or her that his or her decisions have no consequences.
Your answer should not be aggressive; on the contrary, you can say something like: “Everyone of us has a responsibility, even if there are times when we don’t like them. School is your responsibility. Starting tonight, you will have to go to bed an hour earlier. Evidently you need more rest. But right now, you need to get up!” That evening, take some time to talk with your child about what happened that morning: “This morning you were not ready on time. Can you tell me what you understand about what took place?”
It is important for a parent to look at life through their child’s eyes, because the way we behave is the result of the lenses through which we look at life. In fact, instead getting into a struggle for power and control with my child, I invited them into a relationship, because the most powerful ally we have as we try to foster better child’s behavior is the relationship I develop with them.
Their defiant attitude may not fade away for some time! But if you choose to ignore your child’s behavior hoping that somehow things will work out, there is no guarantee that it will go away on its own either. At the same time, if you lack firmness, you may actually prolong this stage in your child’s life and as a result he/she may have more difficulties later in life.
Ultimately, this is your responsibility; and your efforts will be rewarded!