NARRATOR & PRESENTER Catalin Barbulescu
CONSULTANTS Aritina Barbulescu, Elida Oncea
PRODUCER Speranta TV
ILLUSTRATOR Serban Gabriel
ANIMATION Augustin Cosmin Pop / POPIXAR STUDIO
CAMERA Daniel Scripcariu
EDITING Liviu Dumitras
MUSIC Mihai Pitan, David Bateman
SOUND DESIGN Valentin Bogdan, Laurentiu Bugan
SPECIAL THANKS Andreea Paun, Irina Anghel, Florin Ghetu, Aritina Barbulescu, Cristian Magura, Cristina Cuncea, Mihai Bolonyi, Costin Banica, Petrica Cristescu, AnaMaria Lupu, Dorin Aiteanu
SCREENWRITER Aritina Barbulescu
DIRECTOR Attila Peli
COPYRIGHT SPERANTA TV 2018
My blond, curly and blue-eyed angel… my two-year-old boy… has turned today into an undercover terrorist. We were walking side by side along the street, amused by cars, leaves, dogs and bicycles… when a supermarket appeared in front of us. Before even realizing, I was walking through the store shelves trying to stop him from putting all the toys out of the shelf into the basket.
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If you delay taking action, the angel will get angry and scream at you, most of the time in front of other people, until he gets what he wants…
In other words, he will turn you into a hostage of his own desires. Yes, I know, you heard often that this type of approach is selfish, centered on the parents’ well-being and self-esteem, not considering the child’s need for expression nor his personality.
Let’s us be clear! Under no circumstances can a correct management of an incorrect behavior, in this case emotional blackmail, depersonalize your child. I could even say… on the contrary ! Let me give you some solutions and an argument.
This behavior occurs early, around 2-3 years of age, and it’s used by the child to fulfill its own desires by using an incorrect and harmful method. So, as they appear, identify the contexts in which manifestations become uncontrolled, take into account the child’s fatigue and identify your actions that fuels their degree of frustration.
But it is fundamental that you do not give up the blackmail by fulfilling the request. If you give up, you’ll send the message to your child that this incorrect behavior is helful to get what he or she wants. Do not panic! These manifestations will not last forever. If you resist, your child will soon understand that blackmail is not an effective method.
Around the age of four, teach your child to legitimately ask for what he or she wants; and also the fact that ‘NO’ in response to his request is an option that you as a parent are entitled to, as long as you believe it is for his or her own benefit. When he or she gets bigger, over six years old, ask for strict adherence to three rules:
Firstly, do not act before asking your parents. Secondly, ‘That’s what I want’ is not an answer or a point of view. Thirdly, teach your child, by way of personal example, to present logical arguments. I know, it’s often hard.
You are tired, frustrated, stressed, but have you thought about the alternative if you ignore or give up, defeated by this kind of blackmail ? First of all, the problem will not go away. The child will not get better, but in the best case scenario, your child will change its methods of blackmail, from screaming to others more… refined.
If you do not act, your child will understand that shameless behavior or the threat to humiliate you in public will bring him what he wants… And, with age, the problem will get bigger.
He or she will learn to use aggressive behaviors to control the circumstances, instead of learning how to properly solve the problems he or she faces.
When the child turns into an adult, the behavior will magnify, because then no one will consider that his personality is ruined if his demands are not fulfilled.
Thus, he or she will become angry and incapable of communicating. Now that it is still early and the problems are small, you have to keep your control and not give up, teaching he or she to identify and exercise positive ways to manage frustration.
For, at the end of the day, this is your responsibility; and Your effort will be rewarded!